Are You "Crossing" Your Children? - PARENTING, CHRISTIAN PARENTING

Take a quick two minutes to click here, and read this link. Its amazing how true it is. By reading it we could stop our Children from doing BAD things.

CROSS YOUR CHILDREN! Definition of "cross" in this case:it  comes from the Hebrew word atsab, meaning 'to grieve' or 'to stretch into shape'. For us to "CROSS OUR KIDS," we need to stretch them into the properly disciplined shape. 

 

 

WOW!! I HAD TO SHARE THIS. I get emails all the time from this Website. I have found times that I was having issues dealing with something and next thing I know here is some advice from somebody. If you are not a Christian, please do not let this stop you from reading this. I am a Christian, and glad that I found something that would help me to deal with an issue I have at home, as well as share it with you.

     I have been having issues with my six year old daughter, and my two year old son when it comes to discipline. I'm just like the article says. I am busy, I want to pick my battles and sometimes if it's not hurting them, I just let it go. I'm very guilty of that.

     My 6 year old, Aerieannah, is on this little 'kick' when she's corrected. She doesn't have to be yelled at. She doesn't have to be told anything negative. We believe in the philosophy if you tell a child they do something wrong, you also throw in something positive. Example: "Aerieannah, I asked you to clean your room last night, and there are still mini rubber bands all over, and your dirty water bottles are still in here. But, other than those things you did okay, and I like the way you hung up your purses on the side of the closet that was creative." She is a very smart six year old so she knows that isn't being yelled at or put down. But instead she's always saying, "I don't do anything right." And my least liked, "Nobody appreciates me no matter what I do." I don't know where she heard the second thing. But, I'm guilty for the first statement when I'm frustrated. So, anyway I've been very carefully and lightly "picking my battles" with her. But I need to "Cross Aerieannah more." She is a great Christian for being six. She's at Bible school today as a matter of fact and we don't make her go. We let her go if she wants and she never misses. I'm going to share this passage with her, and explain that every time she's corrected, or told to do something different, it's because we want to "stretch her to be more Godly."

     As for my 2 year old son Chris Junior, when he's corrected, he either doesn't care, or is on this "kick" of saying "I'm sorry." in a sad voice when he has no need to feel that bad about it. I know he only partially knows what it means but he genuinely feels bad when something happens and says sorry like that in the saddest voice. NEXT he'll say, "Oh, mommy mad at me?" Or "I make Grammy sad?" And we have been working on explaining when he hurts somebody and feels bad about it that is when he should feel sorry. We've explained we don't get mad at him, just upset because he knows better and we still love him so much. We explain that HE doesn't make anyone sad it's what he did that upset somebody but they love him more than an object. We are working on that. As for him being forgiving and wanting forgiven, I don't feel we'll have an issue stretching him that way. It's just throughout the day, when a two year old boy (I never went through this with my 3 girls) decides he is going to do what he wants to do. He ignores us. He throws the normal fit when he doesn't get what he wants. So, to make it less stressful for us, I now notice we are picking our battles with him there too. If he throws a fit because he wants to go outside and we are all inside, just so we don't have to fight him over the door (he opens and closes it on his own, and will step on just the top step-for now to test us), one of us will say he needs to get pants and shoes on. Then we are sitting on the porch despite what we had to do before we should 'play.' We now need to be more stern because he will learn quick what he can get away with him and we want to 'stretch him into a good listening, patient boy. See, we are TAKING patients from him by not making him wait.

 

      I'm going to share my favorite part of the advice from this email I shared with you. It's at the end. It tells us how to become more ACTIVE parents, (I feel I meet most of that part), how to hold our children accountable-I need more of that, and it helps us manage their attitude which I need to do with Aerieannah. Here is the quote from the end:

 

“Crossing” is simply another name for “active parenting.” Crossing is being involved in your child’s life and knowing their daily activities. It is being on top of their schedule and knowing who their friends are. It is placing yourself and God’s standard before them on a regular basis. It is governing what they read in books and see on the screen, both computer and theatre. It is having full access to computer passwords, iPod, cell phones and bedrooms. It is enforcing curfews and keeping them accountable. It gives you the freedom to not simply manage actions but attitude, facial expressions and tone of voice. It requires, at times, for you to grieve them and look for the opportunities to “stretch” them into the shape God desires. Ultimately, crossing says, “I love you” in a gritty, consistent, uncomfortable, unpopular way. And therein lies the problem. For many parents it is too much work and requires too much time. Because stretching is hard and grieving children is difficult, we neglect our biblical responsibility to our children’s peril.   As verse 6 indicates, crossing cannot happen without cross-examination – asking the tough questions. It is the responsibility of every parent to ask the confrontational question, “Why have you done so?” Regardless of your age or theirs, you are your child’s keeper, particularly if they sleep under your roof and are kept afloat by your financial boat. God leads by example when he cross-examined the first family:  

To Adam, “Where are you? Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” (Genesis 3:9, 11)

To Eve, “What is this you have done?” (Genesis 3:13)

To Cain, “Why are you angry? Why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? Where is Abel your brother?  What have you done?” (Genesis 4:6-7, 9-10

~From The official blog of Rod Arters as posted on www.crosswalk.com

I think that part spoke to me the most.

I also  like at the end when they use the verse from Hebrews (they use 12:7-11). I think that 'softies' such as myself need to remember that it says in the Bible that we are loved if we are disciplined. It talks about how we are disciplined because we are loved and wanted to be brought up right. Also, how nobody LIKES to be disciplined, most of us form resentments in the process. But if we read the Bible and trust the Word, we will know that, like it says," though we do not like it while we are enduring it, in the end it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

 

Sure it hurts me and my feelings {as well as my kids' feelings} when I discipline them. I don't even hit them. But don't we all want our children to have a harvest of righteousness and peace? OF COURSE WE DO. So, I'm going to step it up. With summer coming, I'll report my progress on my two youngest kiddos. Let me know what you thought of this. I liked it and HAD to share it.

 

XoxO,

Megs 

APRIL AND MAY AGENDA: ORGANIZING HOME, A NEW YOU

HELLO~
I got some cool crafts to share with you this month. We are organizing like crazy. SPRING CLEANING of course. I want to share some of the cool ideas I found myself, as well as some that I found in magazines and thanks to other Bloggers. I hope that when I put the different things down that helped me, my husband, and my children to not only be organized but also, to put our house into perspective, you will get the feeling I got. RELIEF that the little spots of clutter are gone. Looks like a new house in places. YES I'm still working. I am going to master my daughter's bedroom and our craft area, as well as the toy/play area. This will lead into how to get ready to throw a killer yard sale in order to buy much needed things for summer, or just to get rid of the old.

NEXT a NEW YOU: as moms and dads, we don't have a ton of time to work out do we? I have found some 5, 7, and 10 minute workouts that you can do while cooking, cleaning, reading to the kids, playing with the kids, and just sitting on the computer at home, work, or school.

Along with a new you, I have been trying a TON of lotions, make ups, hair supplies, and everything beauty. As a mom, you play such an important role in your child's life. It's important your children know that you DO take time to paint your nails, shave your legs, throw on some anti-aging lotion, and keep your hair strong and looking new with different styles. I have not only found the highly recommended in magazines we read, but I have tried them and passed them to friends and family to get an opinion. I'm not a huge blog so NO I am NOT getting paid to recommend these products throughout these months.

FINALLY: PRODUCTS FOR THE KIDS. Lets share summer ideas for kid toys and trips. As well as our favorite must have summer products. Feel free to share now, or as the topic comes up. Deal? As we get more followers and more and more feed backs we will be doing more give always. It just seems like it's not a great idea to do that NOW since we have mainly friends of mine and family following. LOL. NOT FAIR> but down the road as the listings go up I will post freebies and you can find them on Pinterest. I'll post the link when that time comes.

Okay first two steps will be coming within this week. Along with some COOL actual professional looking crafts and the how to's.
xoxo
Megs

The Parenting Book INSTINCT

When I was just about to have my first baby, Autumn~now 10, I remember every cold, sniffle, cough, rash(diaper or other) I was going to the doctor. He made me so angry always saying, 'you are just first time parents' and sent us on our way. If only babies came with instructions...especially nights those kids don't sleep. Well my daughter starts having so much snot at 2 weeks old that she'd cough so hard, choke on snot, turn blue, and throw up. As a first time mom I knew something was wrong. So did her dad. But did we want to go be told we are worried since her cough started at week 1. I have had 5 births and am blessed with 4 kids. It is normal for new born babies to cough and sneeze their mucus from the womb out. But still being a 1st time parent something was wrong. I thought I had no baby manual no instruction book, but in knew something was wrong. So back to doctor Make Me Feel Dumb. He said a cold& home with albuteral. Well, another week of it not working & her turning blue and now purple with bugged out eyes. So I went to the EMERGENCY ROOM. As the nurse witnessed this, and my baby was being admitted. She was watched by her doctor who said nothing was wrong. A week she sat there. No help no diagnosis no medicine, almost dying . I had it. I had the feeling in my gut that my kid needed help beyond what they were doing. I had a gut feeling &heavy heart telling me to get her to a Children's Hospital. Less than an hour later her main nurse said to me that she shouldn't tell us but we needed to move her to Pittsburgh Children's Hospital. So, we asked the Dr and he had a helicopter there in 20 minutes. She was at Children's Hospital in 1 hour she was diagnosed with Pertussis. Babies get vaccines for that at age 2 months, she was 2 weeks. They told me that if I would have put off getting her there another hour she would have DIED. BUT she's 10.
Why? Part God part my mother instincts. Parental instincts. We parents do get instructions, it's our gut.
My gut has instructed me tens of hundreds of times in the best interest of my kids. I DO NOT go by the book at all. I do what is best for my kids. And I know what that is by my gut.
PARENTS :
1~follow your gut its usually right
2~ paternal & maternal instincts exist
3~ you are more capable of raising, caring for, and helping a child reach full potential than you give yourself credit for
4~no parent is perfect. We strive to do our best for our children and if we do our best we doin it right.
5~your gut & heart are always right follow them.
6~ let your children make decisions they always need to express them selves
7~ if your kids are healthy and happy you got this.

posted from Bloggeroid

STRESS RELIEF: EVERYONE NEEDS it sometime

         This is a very helpful relaxation video I used today. Everyone needs some relaxation once in a while, and there are many for free on You Tube. Lately I have been doing these relaxation techniques and I notice how much calmer I feel. Let's face it, life is stressful. Though I LOVE my kids, they can do things that I allow my self to get stressed over. I have an anxiety issue that I've had since I've been a child so therefore, I had to find HEALTHY ways to cope with it. Sure my prescription of "nerve pills" is helpful, but is it really? It helps for the time being but when it wares off my stress and anxieties are still there. So, I turned to this recently. Because clearing my mind, letting go of stress, and allowing myself to calm down really puts a reality on stillness that is so needed in life. So, try this out if you never have. Try this out if you never  feel quiet, take ten fifteen minutes for yourself. Especially being a parent it's important because we need to learn to quiet our minds or calm down at the drop of a dime. Give it a go, and if it works let me know. If you don't have 18 minutes and 36 seconds for this one like I said, there are shorter ones out there. that last as little as 5 minutes. If it comes down to do this or flip out....take the time. Not into meditation, what are some other useful techniques you use for stress? Ive done guided immagry, running, exercise, and just flat out took a nap. What do you do?
xoxo

Megs

IMPORTANCE OF GETTING YOUR KIDS TO JOURNAL/SCRAPBOOK

     When I was in school, I hated creative writing. As I got older, I found that keeping a sort of journal/scrap book helped me. Several reasons. As I get older I can always look back and see how much I have grown, or how things in life changed. Being able to visualize the change, see it on paper, brings reality for an adult/teen to see that yeah times get hard, but "will this problem matter 10 days from now, a year, ten years?" Usually It won't but it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

     My youngest daughter is 6. She was having some issues sleeping, and some feelings about life a 6 year old shouldn't know about I wouldn't think (no body likes me, everyone wants me to be unhappy). I made her a journal out of an old cook book(you can see it on this blog by clicking here>>> homemade cook book journal. DIY journal art "cook book" journal ). This also gave us the chance to be creative together putting it together. However, when she is having a bad day, sometimes I give her a "time out." Not as in she's in trouble, but as in "Princess, you're getting mouthy, you are not listening, please take time out and go write in your journal. Or draw a picture of how you are feeling." 9/10 times it works. I feel doing this is giving her a head start in expressing her feelings, and NAMING her feelings~which is hard for adults let alone kids. They think they feel either happy, angry, mad or sad. But there are so many more emotions. When she comes out she is so much more happier from writing, drawing or even pasting photos, cut outs, or other memorabilila in her SPECIAL journal. 

    When she comes at me with a, "mom I don't know what to write." I give her ideas off the top of my head. Here is a quick list of ideas.

• What is your biggest dream come true.
• What do you want to be when you grow up, and how will it help other people.
• Name three things you would like to know about your family or family members.
• Make a "bucket list" or list of things you'd like to do on the next rainy day. Then every rainy day, go back and check them off as you do them.
• Write about your hero, who it is, why they are your hero, what things have they done that you would like to do too someday.
• If animals could talk what animals would you want to talk to, and why?
• Describe your dream vacatoin.

There are so many more ideas, but there is always something that the kids can write about a few times a week. Again, this will prove helpful during hard times they can look back at their las "hard time" and see how quickly it went away. Skills for identifying emotions are important. How can we fix negative feelings or celebrate positive ones if we are stuck with 4 feelings~happy,sad,angry,mad? I found giving a description or list of feelings when my daughter gets her "time outs" to journal, helps her to use more than one feeling. Especially for a 6 year old, it's best to have pictures and names below them to help her spell them. I am able to then ask her how she felt and explain the meaning. This is great for vocabulary.
  I hope that parents find this helpful for children with nightmares, behavior problems, emotional issues, boredom, or to even use it as a family "night" making journals, and/or decorating them and/or writing in them. 
   No matter what your child does, if they show effort it's important to notice outloud to the child their efforts and accomplishments. This will build self-esteem in the end. How do I know? I once was a child who couldn't express emotions. I had no outlet when i was upset. I was bored as an only child. As I started writing, and my parents commented on my writings, I then moved from loose leaf paper to putting them in a scrap book, and eventually buying a journal with birthday money at the age of 8. My progress in writing helped me to become a fast reader, and enabled my self-esteem to grow.
  Try it out. I recommend it and so does my 6 year old daughter, along with MANY teachers, parenting experts and Psychologists.
Here is an example of some emotions or a chart you could use:

There are plenty of websites that offer these charts, as well as charts thruout the day. Here are a few links.

• Feeling journal for kids with chart
• feeling and behavior charts for FREE
• "Name It to Tame it" Feeling charts for children

Hope you parents, or journal fanatics like myself or teachers found this helpful. I do. Any questions or coments, Feel free to give them as you please.
xoxo~ Megs

My hero: Abe Lincoln, Leader, Hero, and Manic Depressive

I finally got THREE things I wanted. 1.) a night AND day alone with the Hubby Chris.~A.K.A. babysitters for the kids...OVERNIGHT and at the same time  2.) To lay back alone and watch a movie with Chris RELAXED without having to Pause it, stop it, or forget it due to interruptions that come with having a beautiful family and much 'needy' children. AND 3.) I got to do numbers one and two while completing number three. Watching the new release movie "Lincoln." 
I have always thought of Abe Lincoln of a GREAT role model, wonderful man, honest and caring Christian and great political leader. As a child in school, I would do reports on Abe when I was given the chance to pick a topic. Of course, in Elementary School, I was limited on my choice of books to gain information from. However, every report was different, each revealing more and I remember doing six reports all together-so with my memory there may have been more.
I always thought that Abe was awesome because he was able to stand up to so much controversy, and overcome the conflicts, hurdles and bumps in the road when it came to his idea of the ever famous, and then seemingly ludicrously impossible idea of signing the 13th Amendment.  Today, after watching the movie "Lincoln", I realized that even as a child I thought that to be a couragous task, but I didn't fully grasp all the negative feedback, put downs, all the trouble, the fighting for what he believed in, and even the lack of support from family, and even his best friend, Joshua Speed.
So, the movie focused on Abe's Presidency, what he did as a leader to unite the country, and what he did FOR THE PEOPLE. I must admit that I thought the movie would be good, but just a documentary and have little comical moments. However, anyone who knows about President Lincoln knows that he was known for telling stories and jokes, which sometimes caused him to gain some criticism throughout the term. As I was watching the movie tonight, I had wondered, WHY didn't I know he was this funny? Really? I always quote him. I always find awesome quotes about life, love, people and Christianity that are wise and so intelligent. I can't help but notice how his mind and my mind work alike. I figured it out. He and I suffer from the same ailment. 
Manic Depression. Also sometimes referred to as Bipolar disorder. I notice when growing up, I was under a load of stress. I always used comedy as a way to channel my energy when I was depressed and had to appear somewhere like work, school, and being a parent. Why? Because it got my mind off of  being depressed. I thought if I could focus on something else then I'd feel better and nobody would know what was wrong with me....because there was a time I didn't know nor did I want someone to tell me. But after watching the movie and with my ever wondering mind, I did do some research and found that there are many documented incidents of Abraham Lincoln's depression, as well as a book called "Abraham Lincoln's Melancholy" by Joshua Wolf Shenk. In a couple reports I read on this book I found that it focused on how Abe used his "comedy" to focus on what he needed to get done. He stated that telling his stories and jokes are what kept him going sometimes. It's as if being Manic and Bipolar at the same time, it's a feeling that is not fun when someone is forced to go from the "manic and exciting" end of the pole down to the "sad and depressed" end which happens unexpectedly and uncontrollably. This is why President Lincoln told stories and jokes when there was stress in the room, when times were hard. Just as a kid, I used my humor to get sent to the principal's office  or to miss too much work while isolating. We both used humor, he just had a better way with it that was more positive. He used his humor, and his ailment to help found our country again.
So, tell me. Why is Bipolar and Manic Depression now a means for someone to get put on disability? We now have medication to help, as well as doctors, counselors, psychiatrist, psychologists. Why now do we need to also become "disabled"? I see commercials with the "disability lawyers" who claim to get you disability...the money you 'deserve'...if you suffer from any of the following: Bipolar, anxiety, Manic Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, ADD, ADHD, and the list goes on. In times of Mr. Lincoln these medicines, knowledge, and help from professionals were not available. Why do we NEED to get disability and stay in bed, stay at home wasting our God given talents?  Lincoln who faced going thru the Great Depression, the Civil War, not to mention he lost his only brother at a very young age, his mom, aunt, and uncle died due to disease. A few years later his sister died after giving birth while delivering a still born baby. He also lost his job, had his business collapse and was in debt for 17 years, he failed to be nominated for congress, senate and the vice presidency too! He also had the failure of rejected by two women. But, he didn't quit. He fought, became President of the then "ununited" States during the Civil War and had to unite millions of Americans while dealing with his own issues, taking care of a family, and running a country.I'm sure after all of these events he wasn't just depressed, rather would have had some Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as well.
So, instead of using his Manic Depression, and catastrophic events in life as an excuse to run, hide, give up, and lay around and wile in the mire, he stood tall, and used his Bipolar (which can cause creativity as the brain races during mania), to pull a country together and become one of the best loved, most heroic, brave, and UN disabled humans and Presidents of the United States of America.
I no longer feel I need to hide my Bipolar. No longer do I feel it's an ailment, rather something to make me stronger. I believe that in times of trial, confusion or hard times, if we dig deep enough for information, we can find someone, somewhere in history or present, that has our same issues. Seeing someone else completely overcome such set backs with such success is inspiring enough that I don't feel anything could hold me back from success. Who am I to complain? I have been able to be a successful parent, student, wife, daughter, and part time work at home mom. Now though, when I'm feeling melancholy, I know who to think of and that will help me make it through whatever I need to. Because the present is important. Hiding from my condition will not help me continue to raise a happy and successful family. Hiding and isolation are ways to miss memories. Never miss a minute because each minute lost is a memory not made. A wise Abe Lincoln once said, "See what is before you in the here and now, that's the only thing that counts."

JOURNALING TO BE BETTER PARENT; HELP STATES LESSEN MURDER RATE

I recently started a journal. It has been so helpful. Not just in keeping my feelings in check but in proving my boyfriend wrong...I can say "No I swear, its in my journal..." Also my explosive anger episodes....not so much outbursts any more just scribbles. Which, keeps me out of trouble and me owing the kids money for saying bad words "a dime a word." So, feeling like you're going to pop some one's head, feeling like moving out on a LONG time relationship? Gonna flip out on your child for doing "that same thing  I said not to ten times in a row?" Run to the bathroom, bedroom...alone and journal. Trust me...hell it may make the murder rate go down.

RAISE CHILD'S SELF ESTEEM WITH DR.SEUSS QUOTES!!!!

I BELIEVE DR. SEUSS REALLY COULD MAKE A CHILD'S SELF ESTEEM RISE. I USE THESE WITH MY DAUGHTER ALL THE TIME....HECK IT'S HELPED MY SELF ESTEEM.