Are You "Crossing" Your Children? - PARENTING, CHRISTIAN PARENTING

Take a quick two minutes to click here, and read this link. Its amazing how true it is. By reading it we could stop our Children from doing BAD things.

CROSS YOUR CHILDREN! Definition of "cross" in this case:it  comes from the Hebrew word atsab, meaning 'to grieve' or 'to stretch into shape'. For us to "CROSS OUR KIDS," we need to stretch them into the properly disciplined shape. 

 

 

WOW!! I HAD TO SHARE THIS. I get emails all the time from this Website. I have found times that I was having issues dealing with something and next thing I know here is some advice from somebody. If you are not a Christian, please do not let this stop you from reading this. I am a Christian, and glad that I found something that would help me to deal with an issue I have at home, as well as share it with you.

     I have been having issues with my six year old daughter, and my two year old son when it comes to discipline. I'm just like the article says. I am busy, I want to pick my battles and sometimes if it's not hurting them, I just let it go. I'm very guilty of that.

     My 6 year old, Aerieannah, is on this little 'kick' when she's corrected. She doesn't have to be yelled at. She doesn't have to be told anything negative. We believe in the philosophy if you tell a child they do something wrong, you also throw in something positive. Example: "Aerieannah, I asked you to clean your room last night, and there are still mini rubber bands all over, and your dirty water bottles are still in here. But, other than those things you did okay, and I like the way you hung up your purses on the side of the closet that was creative." She is a very smart six year old so she knows that isn't being yelled at or put down. But instead she's always saying, "I don't do anything right." And my least liked, "Nobody appreciates me no matter what I do." I don't know where she heard the second thing. But, I'm guilty for the first statement when I'm frustrated. So, anyway I've been very carefully and lightly "picking my battles" with her. But I need to "Cross Aerieannah more." She is a great Christian for being six. She's at Bible school today as a matter of fact and we don't make her go. We let her go if she wants and she never misses. I'm going to share this passage with her, and explain that every time she's corrected, or told to do something different, it's because we want to "stretch her to be more Godly."

     As for my 2 year old son Chris Junior, when he's corrected, he either doesn't care, or is on this "kick" of saying "I'm sorry." in a sad voice when he has no need to feel that bad about it. I know he only partially knows what it means but he genuinely feels bad when something happens and says sorry like that in the saddest voice. NEXT he'll say, "Oh, mommy mad at me?" Or "I make Grammy sad?" And we have been working on explaining when he hurts somebody and feels bad about it that is when he should feel sorry. We've explained we don't get mad at him, just upset because he knows better and we still love him so much. We explain that HE doesn't make anyone sad it's what he did that upset somebody but they love him more than an object. We are working on that. As for him being forgiving and wanting forgiven, I don't feel we'll have an issue stretching him that way. It's just throughout the day, when a two year old boy (I never went through this with my 3 girls) decides he is going to do what he wants to do. He ignores us. He throws the normal fit when he doesn't get what he wants. So, to make it less stressful for us, I now notice we are picking our battles with him there too. If he throws a fit because he wants to go outside and we are all inside, just so we don't have to fight him over the door (he opens and closes it on his own, and will step on just the top step-for now to test us), one of us will say he needs to get pants and shoes on. Then we are sitting on the porch despite what we had to do before we should 'play.' We now need to be more stern because he will learn quick what he can get away with him and we want to 'stretch him into a good listening, patient boy. See, we are TAKING patients from him by not making him wait.

 

      I'm going to share my favorite part of the advice from this email I shared with you. It's at the end. It tells us how to become more ACTIVE parents, (I feel I meet most of that part), how to hold our children accountable-I need more of that, and it helps us manage their attitude which I need to do with Aerieannah. Here is the quote from the end:

 

“Crossing” is simply another name for “active parenting.” Crossing is being involved in your child’s life and knowing their daily activities. It is being on top of their schedule and knowing who their friends are. It is placing yourself and God’s standard before them on a regular basis. It is governing what they read in books and see on the screen, both computer and theatre. It is having full access to computer passwords, iPod, cell phones and bedrooms. It is enforcing curfews and keeping them accountable. It gives you the freedom to not simply manage actions but attitude, facial expressions and tone of voice. It requires, at times, for you to grieve them and look for the opportunities to “stretch” them into the shape God desires. Ultimately, crossing says, “I love you” in a gritty, consistent, uncomfortable, unpopular way. And therein lies the problem. For many parents it is too much work and requires too much time. Because stretching is hard and grieving children is difficult, we neglect our biblical responsibility to our children’s peril.   As verse 6 indicates, crossing cannot happen without cross-examination – asking the tough questions. It is the responsibility of every parent to ask the confrontational question, “Why have you done so?” Regardless of your age or theirs, you are your child’s keeper, particularly if they sleep under your roof and are kept afloat by your financial boat. God leads by example when he cross-examined the first family:  

To Adam, “Where are you? Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” (Genesis 3:9, 11)

To Eve, “What is this you have done?” (Genesis 3:13)

To Cain, “Why are you angry? Why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? Where is Abel your brother?  What have you done?” (Genesis 4:6-7, 9-10

~From The official blog of Rod Arters as posted on www.crosswalk.com

I think that part spoke to me the most.

I also  like at the end when they use the verse from Hebrews (they use 12:7-11). I think that 'softies' such as myself need to remember that it says in the Bible that we are loved if we are disciplined. It talks about how we are disciplined because we are loved and wanted to be brought up right. Also, how nobody LIKES to be disciplined, most of us form resentments in the process. But if we read the Bible and trust the Word, we will know that, like it says," though we do not like it while we are enduring it, in the end it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

 

Sure it hurts me and my feelings {as well as my kids' feelings} when I discipline them. I don't even hit them. But don't we all want our children to have a harvest of righteousness and peace? OF COURSE WE DO. So, I'm going to step it up. With summer coming, I'll report my progress on my two youngest kiddos. Let me know what you thought of this. I liked it and HAD to share it.

 

XoxO,

Megs 

IMPORTANCE OF GETTING YOUR KIDS TO JOURNAL/SCRAPBOOK

     When I was in school, I hated creative writing. As I got older, I found that keeping a sort of journal/scrap book helped me. Several reasons. As I get older I can always look back and see how much I have grown, or how things in life changed. Being able to visualize the change, see it on paper, brings reality for an adult/teen to see that yeah times get hard, but "will this problem matter 10 days from now, a year, ten years?" Usually It won't but it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

     My youngest daughter is 6. She was having some issues sleeping, and some feelings about life a 6 year old shouldn't know about I wouldn't think (no body likes me, everyone wants me to be unhappy). I made her a journal out of an old cook book(you can see it on this blog by clicking here>>> homemade cook book journal. DIY journal art "cook book" journal ). This also gave us the chance to be creative together putting it together. However, when she is having a bad day, sometimes I give her a "time out." Not as in she's in trouble, but as in "Princess, you're getting mouthy, you are not listening, please take time out and go write in your journal. Or draw a picture of how you are feeling." 9/10 times it works. I feel doing this is giving her a head start in expressing her feelings, and NAMING her feelings~which is hard for adults let alone kids. They think they feel either happy, angry, mad or sad. But there are so many more emotions. When she comes out she is so much more happier from writing, drawing or even pasting photos, cut outs, or other memorabilila in her SPECIAL journal. 

    When she comes at me with a, "mom I don't know what to write." I give her ideas off the top of my head. Here is a quick list of ideas.

• What is your biggest dream come true.
• What do you want to be when you grow up, and how will it help other people.
• Name three things you would like to know about your family or family members.
• Make a "bucket list" or list of things you'd like to do on the next rainy day. Then every rainy day, go back and check them off as you do them.
• Write about your hero, who it is, why they are your hero, what things have they done that you would like to do too someday.
• If animals could talk what animals would you want to talk to, and why?
• Describe your dream vacatoin.

There are so many more ideas, but there is always something that the kids can write about a few times a week. Again, this will prove helpful during hard times they can look back at their las "hard time" and see how quickly it went away. Skills for identifying emotions are important. How can we fix negative feelings or celebrate positive ones if we are stuck with 4 feelings~happy,sad,angry,mad? I found giving a description or list of feelings when my daughter gets her "time outs" to journal, helps her to use more than one feeling. Especially for a 6 year old, it's best to have pictures and names below them to help her spell them. I am able to then ask her how she felt and explain the meaning. This is great for vocabulary.
  I hope that parents find this helpful for children with nightmares, behavior problems, emotional issues, boredom, or to even use it as a family "night" making journals, and/or decorating them and/or writing in them. 
   No matter what your child does, if they show effort it's important to notice outloud to the child their efforts and accomplishments. This will build self-esteem in the end. How do I know? I once was a child who couldn't express emotions. I had no outlet when i was upset. I was bored as an only child. As I started writing, and my parents commented on my writings, I then moved from loose leaf paper to putting them in a scrap book, and eventually buying a journal with birthday money at the age of 8. My progress in writing helped me to become a fast reader, and enabled my self-esteem to grow.
  Try it out. I recommend it and so does my 6 year old daughter, along with MANY teachers, parenting experts and Psychologists.
Here is an example of some emotions or a chart you could use:

There are plenty of websites that offer these charts, as well as charts thruout the day. Here are a few links.

• Feeling journal for kids with chart
• feeling and behavior charts for FREE
• "Name It to Tame it" Feeling charts for children

Hope you parents, or journal fanatics like myself or teachers found this helpful. I do. Any questions or coments, Feel free to give them as you please.
xoxo~ Megs